Weathering a Marital Depression

(It is difficult to write about such a painful time, but it occurred to me that sharing our story might help someone in a similar situation.)

Our first wedding--two clueless kids

How could our marriage have gone so wrong in just six years? Lack of money was a source of constant conflict. When our oldest son was born, he had colic and screamed for three months, and I must have had post-partum depression because I wasn't fit to live with. The hospital job seemed an answer to our prayers since it was a big career step for hubby and provided a good salary and benefits.

But in less than a year he was laid off in the worst possible way: He was made a scapegoat for a problem he'd tried for six months to remedy. It sent him into a deep, dark hole of depression. He quit going to church. He wasn't motivated to find a job. We spent all our meager savings. I tried to work, but our two-year-old son was feeling the effects of his parents' problems and was "kicked out" of three different daycares. I thought I was being supportive, but I had no idea how to help my husband. He didn't realize what he was saying, and didn't even recognize there was a huge problem. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to forgive him.

So I left him. I took our son and flew to another city to stay with friends. I had no intention of ending the relationship, but I realized it would take something drastic to fix it.

Within a few days my husband contacted a counselor and asked me to come back. I told him I would return to town, but I didn't think we should live together until we had made sufficient progress working out our problems. So he moved in with a friend, got a part-time job as a security guard with a hotel, and saw the counselor twice a week: once alone and once with me. Within a short time we were making great progress. We spent time together every day, really communicating, rebuilding our relationship. He returned to church, and we prayed together again.

After about three months we decided things had progressed enough that we could get back together, but we wanted to renew our marriage vows to make that commitment to God and one another.

Six years later, a little older, a lot wiser

I had lost so much weight from worry and stress that I was able to fit into my wedding dress again. A preacher friend "remarried" us in his living room with his wife and family as our only witnesses. They kept our son while we had a short second honeymoon to begin our new life together.

Twenty-nine years later we're so glad we didn't give up. By honoring our vows before God, we were able to weather that storm, and all the other ones since then to build a strong and happy marriage. And it truly has been "sweeter as the years go by."

Last December--35th anniversary